The Tale of a PRIEST and his ALTAR BOY

Note:
See related post, Of DRINKING and LONGEVITY

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Not all stories told during a drinking session are garbage or pure nonsense. Sometimes, strange, even socially and religiously offensive but funny stories told to amuse people have lessons to learn from. And one of these is the story told by a buddy in a drinking session I was in.

One day, as the story goes, an altar boy decided to confess his sins to a priest to seek God’s forgiveness.

In Catholic teaching, during a confession, the priest acts as a mediator between the boy and God. The priest listens to the boy’s confession and in turn he would convey the boy’s sins to God then ask for its forgiveness on the boy’s behalf.

The priest to whom the altar boy would be confessing his sins happened to be the person he is serving, his master. Aside from being an altar boy, he is an errand and a confidante of the priest. Their affiliation to each other can be likened to that of batman and robin alliance. They live in the same house together with the other church people.

A confessional is a box, cabinet, or stall in which the priest in some Christian churches sits to hear the confessions of penitents. (Wikipedia)

SCENE 1: The altar boy went inside the confessional booth

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“Father,” the boy addressed the priest as he kneeled at the confessional booth. “Forgive me for I have sinned,” the boy continued.

But before he could speak more and start his confession, the priest recognized the altar boy and interrupted him. “Hey, Juan! I know it’s you!” said the priest in an upset voice.

Juan, the altar boy, did not respond and remained silent as if he heard nothing.

“I saw you stealing church collections! Where did you take all that alms and donations you stole yesterday?” the angry priest confronted Juan.

“What?” Juan asked. “I can’t hear you, father. Please speak louder,” Juan appealed.

“I said, where did you take all that alms and donations you stole yesterday?” the angry priest yelling intensely.

“Sorry, father, but I really can’t hear you clearly from here,” Juan argued.

The priest became so angry as Juan tried his best to elude the question.

“You are making an alibi, Juan! You are lying. Don’t make me angry,” howled the fuming priest.

However, Juan is steadfast and remained unwilling to answer the question.

“Forgive me, father, but I honestly can’t hear you clearly from here. If you wanted to, let us exchange places and see for yourself that someone’s voice coming from your location is barely audible from my location. I’ll take your place, and you take mine,” Juan suggested.

Just to prove that Juan is really lying, the priest yielded to the suggestion.

SCENE 2: The altar boy and the priest exchanged places

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The two exchanged places. Juan took the priest’s seat in the middle of the confessional booth, while the priest took Juan’s place, now on his knees.

“Ok, let’s see if I can hear you from here. Say something, now, Juan,” the priest implored.

Juan is now seated like a king on the priest’s seat.

As soon as Juan was ready to say something, he proceeded with a revelation: “Father, last night, I saw you going inside the maid’s room. You stayed there inside for the whole night. I also saw you coming out of the room early the next morning. What did you do to our maid, father?”

“Err…What?” he priest asked. “I can’t hear you, Juan. Please speak louder,” the priest appealed.

“I said, what did you and our maid do inside her room the whole night last night, father? Did you make a baby?” Juan yelled to make his voice more audible to the priest.

“Errr… Again… What did you say?” the priest asked.

Now, it’s the priest who is unwilling to answer a question.

“Juan, I’m sorry but I really can’t hear your voice clearly from here. I think something acoustical is not right in here. Let us have somebody fix this confessional booth,” said the now-apologetic priest.

The priest finally absolved Juan: “Just forget about the DONATIONS and ALMS you stole. God has forgiven you.”

Moral of the Story:

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• It’s so easy to find somebody’s fault but not one’s own mistake.
• One tends to justify other’s wrongdoings when he or she is doing the same.
• One cannot criticize others of wrongdoings if he or she is guilty of the same.
• No one is exempted from “temptation to worldly pleasure” including priests.